


Till I See You Again

by lodgedinmythoughts



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Afterlife, POV First Person, Post-Avengers 4, Post-Infinity War, Reincarnation, Soulmates, Souls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 12:39:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14285109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lodgedinmythoughts/pseuds/lodgedinmythoughts
Summary: Two souls reunite.





	Till I See You Again

I open my eyes.

Maybe they were never closed. I look around and upon first glance all I see is mist, white mist like the clouds swallowed me up. It’s everywhere, as far as the eye can see, even under my feet, but I don’t sink.

My feet. No—I don’t have feet. I float effortlessly like the material around me. I don’t feel like I used to. I feel lighter, purer, like this is how it’s supposed to be. I feel a little disoriented because I’ve just returned from a place that’s hard to describe, so many things in one, but I’ll be back to normal in no time. Already I feel more welcome here than anywhere I’ve been.

I take a few moments to stay still, readjust to the new setting. Then—it’s a little slow to come, like waking after a dream, but I _remember_ —everything. And I’m zipping across the mist till it thins out and I’m in a vast space, like infinity, no darker than the previous but certainly clearer. There’s activity all around me; the others are just within reach if I really want to contact them. And while there’s an order to it all, there’s also an inherent freedom in the way we move about.

I lazily drift through the openness, greeting and being greeted by those I recognize. Some are from long ago and others are more recent. I recognize some more quickly than I do others, but ultimately I can recall every one of them, just as they can me. There are also many I’ve never met, but maybe one day that will change.

I’m flying with the distinct sensation of missing something. But aimless as I am, I want to twirl and shout and laugh for all the joy I feel. I think laughing is what I’m doing when I spin and my attention is captured by a familiar mass of light a quick zip away. He’s a fixed point, watching me, still and quiet. My laughter dies down as we drift toward each other slowly, tacitly.

“Steve,” I say—or think—when we stop in front of each other because that’s how I knew him last.

He says my name and I breathe out a laugh. He sounds so different but the same. Because he’s been so familiar to me for so long, it’s without thought that I close the distance between us and entangle myself with him. The hole in my chest has stitched itself up.

I can feel his joy entwining with mine. We spin and spin until we become dizzy and chase each other. He comes after me first and we speed through the clearing, zig-zagging and circling around others until it’s my turn to catch him. Afterwards, we’re drifting side by side, wandering with no destination.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” he says quietly after a while. “Not yet.” Time is different here, of course. A lifetime on Earth can be a blink of an eye here or it can feel like eternity. “But I wasn’t here for a heartbeat till I saw you.”

“What can I say? I was eager,” I say.

He looks at me, serious. “What happened?”

I match his more sober disposition and drift off a little more quickly. He catches up.

“The others thought I might wanna sit things out after you left,” I begin. “I wanted to. I didn’t feel like there was any point anymore. But I knew I had to keep going.” He waits patiently for me to continue. “It was hard trying to pick myself back up again. I don't know how I did it.”

“Lifetimes of practice,” he says.

“It was actually a couple of weeks after you left. I was barely myself. Some of the Guardians were dropping me back off on Earth. The ship was over the Atlantic when we were attacked. The others made it, but I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. When I fell into the water, I was already halfway gone. I remember what the water looked like, what it sounded like all around me.” I pause and am met only with silence. “There was pain. But no need to worry, Steve. We’ve all been through it before.” I give him a cheery smile I don’t quite feel.

It’s quiet again before he asks, “And the others? The team?”

“I don’t know,” I say. “Maybe we’ll see them again soon.”

  


* * *

  


Steve and I find those who were our families from before. It’s always a happy reunion, and I’ve missed them so much it aches. We spend a long time with them, both mine and his, reminiscing and laughing, with promises to visit again before the two of us are off on our own. Everyone is used to our duo long by now.

I find I’m studying him as we drift alongside each other. He feels my eyes on him and turns to look at me. “What is it?”

I inch as close to him as I can get. If I could burrow myself in him, I would. “I’m sorry for that world, for the pain they have to endure. It’s everywhere, in everything.”

“There’s also good,” he says.

“Yes,” I nearly whisper. Then I shift against him. “A part of me still feels guilty for leaving even if it wasn’t my choice. But if leaving that place meant I got to see you again, then it’s not so bad.”

He wraps his warm energy around me and I feel safe, cocooned, ready to take on anything but reluctant to leave his side. I feel his next words like a whisper in my ear.

“You are my light.”

  


* * *

  


“Do you think he’s from here?”

Steve hums in question.

“Do you think the one we knew as Thanos has a home here?”

Steve considers it for a moment. “I’ve never seen him here. Or heard of him. But that doesn’t mean anything.”

“What if he doesn’t exist here? Or anywhere we know? What if he’s unlike anything we’ve ever known?”

He looks at me, and I know maybe another time he’d be willing to dwell on it, but not now. “That just opens up a whole new can of worms.”

 _We’re not omniscient_ , is what he means to say.

No, we’re not.

  


* * *

  


Existence here is transcendental. Free. I feel pity born from compassion for those on Earth who have no idea what awaits them. Not while they’re there, at least. But when they come back, it’s the most incandescent thing.

“How was it for you when you returned?” I ask Steve. The name is still so fresh in my memory, so prominent in that larger-than-life incarnation that I can’t help but keep referring to him as such. I wonder if that will change the next time around.

He almost smiles like he remembers an old joke. “The part right before that wasn’t very fun. It hurt—I’ll be the first to admit that.”

“Witnessing that was one of the worst things I’ve ever had to experience. And I was powerless to stop it.” I’ve lost him many times, but it never hurts any less. In response, I feel more of his warmth surround me.

“I’m sorry for that. Having to leave you is always one of the hardest things I have to do. Next to having you leave me, of course.”

In return, I send him some of my own warmth and nudge him. “Go on.”

“Well, the rest is as it usually is. You know. I’m disoriented at first, a little confused, but then my memory returns. After that, there’s nothing to worry about.”

I do know—we all do—but I like hearing him say it. “Nothing to worry about,” I echo.

  


* * *

  


One by one and spread apart, those we knew as the Avengers appear. Some were able to live a long life, while others’ were cut short in battle. We learn the one we knew as Thanos was eventually defeated and everything was righted once more. Our reunion is filled with camaraderie born from a very particular sort of bond. Steve and I enjoy our time with them.

Between the two of us, our time is sometimes spent apart. Once we’ve just reunited and basked in the other’s presence, we can appreciate solitude. But no matter how long we may be apart, we’re never far from one another. I can always feel him when we’re here at the same time, and all we need to do is reach out with our very essence and the other will come.

We spend a lot of time with loved ones. He and I are each other’s loved ones, too, but in a different, inexplicable way. I sometimes wonder if we’re not simply different parts of the same unit. If we weren’t crafted from the same material.

“I wonder if we’ll even end up on Earth,” he says. There are many worlds to inhabit, of course. We’ve lived on many of them. I hum in acknowledgement before he continues. “I wonder how the world will’ve changed.”

“Me, too.” I’m not sure how much time has passed on Earth since we left.

“Do you think we’ll know each other in this next one?”

“I don’t know.” We’ve been different kinds of beings over the courses of our lives; we’ve known each other in many different ways. Sometimes it’s a simple brush of the shoulder as we pass each other. Sometimes it's a sixteenth of our lives and other times it’s the entirety of them. There are times when only one of us is incarnated while the other stays behind. There are also times when we’re incarnated simultaneously but live light-years apart. Sometimes, nothing.

“Will you promise to find me?” He asks it so softly and earnestly that I wonder how we’ve ever managed to be apart for long.

I try to convey the truth of my words with a squeeze of the hand. “Only if you don’t find me first.”

He returns my smile.

  


* * *

  


Steve and I stay for a long time. We have so much of it here. We spend the long remainder of our stay in a state of bliss because we know it must again be interrupted.

All too soon it’s time to go back, and this time it’s my turn to go first. I’m all too unwilling. The last cycle was unlike anything I’d ever experienced, and I’m not sure if anything can top it. The only thing I’m certain that could is one in which Steve and I are able to live out our lives together fully.

“I did, though,” he says when I tell him this. “I technically made it a lot further than many people do.”

I feign annoyance. “You know what I mean.”

He smiles and wraps me in his warmth. He doesn’t want me to go either but we’re helpless to control it. “Yeah, I know.”

“I’ll be seeing you?” I say with uncertainty.

“You’ll be seeing me,” he says. “Let’s make it a good one, my light.”

I etch this moment into my very being and commit it to memory, which will only come back the next time I return. I feel sadness that my mortal body won’t be able to remember any of this, but I know that’s how it must be.

I can feel that others are around me as well, saying goodbye for now. I send everyone a warm farewell. Then it’s happening. The last thing I’m fully aware of is Steve’s soft gaze and it reminds me of when I first came back and found him watching me. Then I’m pulled back or they’re pushed forward and the white mist of home is fading, gradually getting darker until I no longer know where I am. I’m floating. I’m free-falling. Everything is still, hushed, and I think I might be here for all of eternity.

Then—

I think I see a light.

I open my eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> The way I see it in my head is that everyone is just a huge mass of light and any mention of human body parts or functions is just a reference point for us human readers. Hope it's not too confusing and hope you enjoyed. Please leave kudos or comments if you feel so inclined!


End file.
